so im officially applying to the people-to-people thing today. im honestly kinda scared. i went into public school NOT ready, id just hate to go into this the same way. (and i dont care that that doesnt really make sense. it does to me.) this is a big thing, and i want to go soooo bad. i hope, God willing, that it works out. im gunna have to fundraise like theres no tomorrow. but wouldnt it be amazing to go places and just marvel at Gods glory and beauty?!?! im thinking so. *sigh* we'll see.
on the downside, im freaking messed up. the one... no, two things that used to make me happy,(at least to some extent)... now just make me feel even worse. and im too busy staring dumbfounded at the depth of the rut that im stuck in, to try and get out of it. blasted self.
i wish i was really artistic. like, on paper artistic. i could just paint/draw how i feel all over a canvas in an elaborate work of art! it would be so releasing. but alas, it would look like 5 y/os finger painting. heh. oh well. my art form is more musical im afraid. but thats ok, i love music. maybe ill just go sing. hmm... yeah.
so i wake up today in a really good mood, not sure why? and i had a lovely time the first few hours of the day, wandering about with a side ponytail... haha. but then a little while ago my mood just sky-rocketed down... man. i am so on/off-high/low with my emotions! i mean, i can usually pretty easily hide them, either way... but still. i need to work on the whole controlling them thing. *shakes head*
hey so today i went and toured my old house, wow was that weird. it looks SO nice! they re-painted and re-decorated outside and in, and they even changed up some walls and counters! the first open house is tomorrow, hope they have good luck selling it. haha, and i saw rorie, an old childhood friend, again today. gosh... time sluggishly flies by. o.O
church is tomorrow, and i get to pick up my music that we're gunna be doing for worship on weds and sun. im so scared and nervous, but intrigued and excited at the same time! oh man, again with the twisted emotions! gosh.
hey! so its only been a hundred million years, right?
so ive had some good days, and some ok days, and some bad days, and i dunno. life is... so-so... i guess. ive got many things stopping it from being good though, thats for sure.
but breakaway was cool! it definitely got me thinking about some stuff. a big downfall of breakaway (and life lately) is immaturity and hipocracy. without going into specifics, cuz i just dont, that stuff is just really frusterating and it makes me sad. for so many reasons. uhg. SO, some goods. well, actually the speaker was dissapointing, but the worship was great. it was nice to be able to worship in chapel everyday this weekend. and riflery was super fun too! i beat the boys again... mwahaha. and we sent out a message in a bottle. and i pitched a rock at todd (oops). and i got to ride in a bus for like 4 hours, twice (i love car trips). and we all went on the zipline again. and jon is now my "fallback" for if i dont ever find my german man (*laughs*). and we played an actual game of human foosball, which was sweet. and merrill and i stuck our feet in the boys cabin which is against the rules, and 2 of our leaders saw us... ha. and sean wandered around "riding" a big blowup ostrich (o.O). and i got that seeker guys "autograph" so we could go out to coffee sometime. and anna was freaking hot (like always) with faerie wings that i got to try on. and britnee and nikki took way too many pictures. and there were lots of tampon times ("you know what time it is?!?!"). and i hung out with 3 people from my church i never had hung out with before. and there was way alot of hot cocoa.
so theres a few random things that i thought of, complete with the word "and" way too much. heh. so it was overall a good experience, minus a few random things, and the "drama", *rolls eyes*, and its affect on me. =/ but a plus was being there and not having a crush on anyone... oh man.... haha. so wow, since last breakaway its been a whole year. thats so weird to think about... all thats happened, all that hasnt happened. wow. well, heres goes another year!
ima fool. i wish once you became a christian the devil couldnt touch you. unfortunately, not so.
so im at school, and ive got a rough draft to work on. this week is going to be even longer than last week, i can tell already. but at least next week i have two preformances to go to thru this school, and then breakaway. so thats nice to have stuff to look forward to.
but its getting harder and harder to not tell people stuff. its really starting to drive me crazy, actually.
so i turn to this stupid blog, to put some thoughts out, i guess. psh. dont feel obligated to comment on this, or even read it. im sure ill re-read it 2morrow or something and feel stupid and delete it anyway.
...
I FEEL SO MISERABLE! and i cant even fully put my finger on why. as soon as the small group girls left i could honestly feel like, all of me just drop. in like, 2 minutes. i wanted to fall over, it was that like... real. whatever it is... its just weighing down on me. i hate it. im so, ... lonely. i just want someone to come hold me so i can cry on them for hours till i fall asleep in their arms. and i know Jesus wants to do that for me, and encompass me in His love, but i cant feel Him!!! the only thing i can feel is this brick wall between us right now. ... i hate it.
at least theres blindside. they are inspirational to me.
hey, so usually the theory is that if you put too much in something, w/o letting anything out, itll eventually get full and overflow, or break, right? well since minds cant overflow, is mine going to break? i dunno. but it feels really stuffed full.
psh. like ill ever tell.
happy porn sunday! heh. i wished my grandma a happy porn sunday today and she gave me a way freaking hilarious look. i love my grandparents... haha.
WHOA! im actually posting on my blog! you prolly sooner thought the sky would fall! o.O
soooo yeah. ive got a TON to say, but not the time to say it! ive just been swarmed w/ school stuff and.... stuff, and havent had the time, or the want to make the time, to come online. but i had some things to do on here so im back.
im sure ive missed like, everything, on here lately... *sigh*. im out-of-the-looooop. but oh well.
school! man... its hard. i am taken out of my comfort zone nearly every minute of the 10 1/2 hours im gone from home mon-fri, and it SUCKS. but its also good, i want to do this. and thankfully ive made some friends. its tough to though, cuz im quiet (for me at least) alot of the time cuz im kinda soaking everything in, and observing alot. so yeah. another good aspect about it is all the people i get to observe and meet! on the bus, in the city, and of course at school. ive even met ushers choreographer... lol.
on the downside i just havent spent time w/ God in a while... and i HATE it. it opens up sooo many opportunities for the devil to attack me, ungaurded. and its no good. i rarely feel at peace anymore (well, less than before that is) and that gets rough. so all the new changes are good for me overall, cept for the spiritual aspect. but small groups starting up again, and i dearly hope that helps. =/ i could see it just making stuff alot harder though... flrrrf.
ive felt a loss for some time i slipped, stumbled, but fell face first straight into your hand then i hit my head on your palm and waking up to the smell of tears drying up in the sand all of us are searching for an open arm well its a shame how i curl up in the dark all of us are searching for an open arm well its a shame how i pull myself apart and its the same words makin me run for cover to your arms
i want a blindside cd!!! well, a few actually. pretty.
hehehe... the new LOST season started up last week! i was so happy to see dom again. i love my random obsession w/ him... i am SUCH a sucker for dorks... *shakes head*. and you know... that makes me think of something else. and that all just sucks. and i really miss liking someone. but why would i even bother w/ any of that again... its not like theres any hope for me anyway. im gunna end up a nun in training, remember? good times in the nook. heh.
psh... oh well... OOOH! but im for sure going to breakaway! im so excited. its gunna be a good time. HIGHLY different from last year... oh man. i hope we get to do the target practice stuff again though. thatd be freakin awesome. and the zip line.
well im hoping to have a few peoples over 2nite, so i must flee and start a'plannin.
iiiim thinking about killing this blog. and maybe aim, im not sure. i just get frusterated, w/ wanting to rant somewhere, and then coming here and like, half ranting, cuz thats even worse than not ranting at all... jdgnfajkngkja!
i hate creative writing assignments. im a creative person, but when someone says "be creative, now" i cant do it!!! aaahg.
and it hurts when you're lonely and im standing right beside you there and it hurt when you told me, that you'll try this on your own hope you never hurt, hope you never cry hope you never lose your way at night hope you never crumble, hope you never fall hope you never throw away it all
did you know those lyrics have a double meaning to me?
oh man, worship was good today. i love going up closer, w/ no distractions. im finally getting better at losening up, and feeling more comfortable just worshipping God! its definately good. thank goodness for God. and thank not goodness for creative writing.
sorry about that last post. i had ranted a bit, but then got rid of it cuz i was mad at myself for being mad... o.O
but thankfully, i feel a bit better now. i am SUCH a girl. man, my emotions go UP-swish-DOWN... like that *snap*. i must get better at controlling them. *nod*
so today. it had the potential to SUCK, but God is good and forgiving, and loving, so w/ Him, i made it thru. why could itov sucked? well let me tell you. so it started out last night. for multiple reasons i wont explain, i was feeling DOWN. well, swish-DOWN, actually. so i made the post, and fluffed off to bed. so my new room in this basement is old and creepy... and i get some really weird thoughts and feelings down here. im definately under attack, but from something other than just my sisters. =/ so yeah, i could NOT sleep for the life of me... uhg. that sucked. so i finally just roll out of bed around 5:30am, and shut off my alarm so it doesnt go off. then i start the getting ready for school process, and like 15 mins later my alarm goes off... all by its shut off self. so i am even more creeped out, and i had to go back down and shut the stupid blaring thing off. soooo yeah, i finally flee to my bus, and as im like, 50 feet from my bus stop, much to my dismay, i got to watch it drive right by, w/o me. uuuuuhg. so i skip back home fast, and beg my mom for a ride. FINALLY i get to school, w/ all the perfect, happy, social, talented people that i wish i was. oh and to top it off i started getting sick. so i felt GREAT! =/
so theres my honest, long rant. now for the goodly parts. like how lovely Jesus is, for instance. somehow He helped me keep going all day, despite the aweful headache i had all afternoon (sorry if i was complaining, anna), and all of the above mentioned. so after school, anna came back home w/ me and we went shopping, and i finally got some dance attire! i found happy ballet slippers *dances about* and some "jazz pants" (just some excersize capriis i found), and then i found some of my old shorts to put on over the pants. oooh and a new straightener, cuz mine got lost in the move. so yeah! after popping some ibuprofen, shopping, hanging w/ anna, showering, and praying and reading the bible... i definately feel better. much better. so whoo hoo God!
so thats alot of the bads and goods of today. now i have to finish up my homework for tomorrow. bluck. but its ok, cuz my ballet slippers are so cuuute! =D
on an ending note, IM A MUSHROOM FACE, BALLERINA FLUFF!!!
whoo hoo! so my poppa said hes getting dsl for our new home, cool, eh? im excited. ill finally be able to download blindside! *happy dance*
SO! public school! in a nutshell, its confusing, stressing, and filled w/ perfect people who make me feel quite sad... but at the same time its intreguing, amusing, and quite good for me, due to the stepping-out-of-my-comfor t-zoneness required. the sermon in church today was good, stuff about from the old to the new, in your life. and he talked about how as christians, we should regularily be stepping out of our comfort zone, because thats what we're called to do. so whoo hoo for goodly timed sermons. i love church.
hahaha... boys just dont understand makeup! it was funny watching peter use my mascara brush on his chin, and eye shadow on his nose! and then trying to pull out this chunk of his eyebrow w/ my tweezer, and then yelling cuz it hurt! or jon grabbing my eyeliner and wondering why i had a pencil in there... lol! happy bunny quote: i love boys. their stupid.
so the new house. well, its an old house, so it has awesome random rooms and places everywhere, and i like it. i cant wait to start working on my "lair" in the basement that i get for my own... its quite exciting. i currently have all my crufffff in a corner in our basement living room, but it works. and our family has more space now, as opposed to being in that cramped motel, so we're getting along a bit better because of it. *phew* oh and we have another dog, too. funny sfutt.
nikki gave me the next book in the forbidden doors series, so i think im gunna curl up on my beloved bed w/ my new fuzzy-man pillows and happy bunny blankey, and read. and maybe do homework, ewwy.
on an ending note, SILVERLINES PLAYING AT 3 DEGREES ON THE 9TH! so come w/ me, itll be a blast. and they have awesome smoothies there. wheeeo!
a few of my favorite comments about being out here in the hallway:
little boy: how come every time i walk by i see you sitting there??? weird man: doesnt your butt hurt? different weird man: you doing business? *laughs to self* crazy lady: you've been there since this morning! different little boy: got any good games on there? like pinball? random girl: make sure to get some sleep tonight! two teenage guys: *whiz by running really fast, yelling at each other*
ok well that last one doesnt have to do w/ me but i thought it was funny. one different random girl even grabbed her laptop and joined me for a bit to check her mail! hahaha... these motel people make me smile.
unlike other things in my life. *disgruntled sigh* i am happy at the pretty music im downloading though. i think ill put a pretty lyric here for your reading, and my venting, enjoyment. this is a quite good song called pitiful, by blindside.
as i recall with my stomach turning i was hiding away from myself, away from you like nothing, though something was terribly wrong and i admit that i was only waiting for the right time night time, the right moment for you to look away though you never did, i pretended for a while so i could walk where i don't belong and i remember every word you said come back in time, come back and i remember i would soon be dead now so pitiful, so pitiful but i know as i hammered those nails into your beautiful hands your eyes still try to search for mine, but i look away now your eyes are the only thing that can save me i'm still afraid of them piercing, you're breaking into my prison i just pretended for a while but my soul is dying i won't look away and i remember every word you said i'll remember every word you said this time i won't look away...
in more ways then one. i think my stupid head cold is getting worse... uhg. and my family is all driving each other crazy cuz we're stuck together cooped up. i knew this would happen.
the people here are so weird... i have NO idea how many comments ive gotten about how long ive been on the computer today, here in this hallway. o.O
i need something to do!!! help! someone! come on aim! *sigh* i cant watch tv... i dont wanna go in that room. maybe ill download music. oooh, thats what ill do.
well, i think my south dakota pics will be ready tomorrow, thats cool. oh and my dog gets her stitches out tomorrow... whoo hoo. and i have a hair appointment for friday. so these are all good things... which we must focus on.
a list of other things i currently am: lonely confused cooped-up physically tired emotionally tired sick sore nervous hopeful ... i have to pee out-of-the-loop stressed cold overwhelmed jealous ponderful jumbled
sheesh. well, theres my 30 second list, at least. so yeah, im at panera and my high speed time is almost up... but i thought id post quick... sorry for not posting in forever, to you silly readers of my ramblings. hey! so i got a myspace, my sn is parophobic (surprized? me too) so be my friend!!! whee!
well, ive not much time... but i just wanna let you dears know ive missed you all quite alot... and that my love for you grows ever constantly. =)
annnd, more on standing rock, my living situation, and maybe, if your lucky, a bit about me... to come at a later date! on account-ta my momma is here. OVER AND OUT!
so here is my farewell post, for i am leaving for south dakota for 5 days 2morrow! im really excited to go and love on the people of standing rock, and get to know God and my team members better! good stuff. so yeah, if you could pray for our trip and such thatd b muchly appreciated!
so yesterday was interesting. i thought i was gunna be stuck home alone all day, but alas, i got invited to jons! whoo hoo. so i got to see jon, and dan again after like, forever, which was lovely, and i got to meet that infamous connor guy! he was indeed stupid, but amusing. we walked too much, but i got a smoothie so it was ok. they made a few attemped prank calls (i was so lost) and connor kept throwing rocks and cussing... hahaha. oh and we played pictionary, that was fun. ("mail... bag! mail... side? side? paper? mail ... up? *time* ... PAPER SACK! ... oh...") haha. and then jons mom dropped me off.
and the night before that anna came over and we got to talk, which was long over-due, so that was nice. i was kinda mental though (more than usual), but thats mostly over. i decided it was cuz moving is just stressing, so instead of getting sad-stressed, i got WEIRD-stressed. i dont even know...
oh! i passed my drivers ed test! YESSS! no more stupid movies, and uncomfortable chairs! i think i did second best out of the 6 who took it that day, so whoo hoo. and now i have my "blue card". so when i get back next week my mom will take me to hastings to get my actual permit. so look out all, ill be on the roads soon!
yep yep. im showered and fully packed for standing rock, so im off to bed now. have a lovely week, to anyone who reads this. and if you dont comment, i might have to beat you w/ a mop! thats right.
maybe my mom is right, maybe i have insomnia? whatever that means. couldnt sleep last night, laid in bed for hours... then opened my eyes to nothing, at 6 this morning! one of these days im just gunna die, from lack of sleep. i hate it. how do i even function? i have no idea.
im happy we're moving though. the date was pushed to next wednesday i think, some stupid legal stuff, so now we're only "homeless" for like 3 weeks. my rents and i are going to check out a motel today, hope it works out.
even though im happy about all that, i just wanna go cry, or scream, or sky dive, or ... SOMETHING! im all mixed up. these past few days of digging into all the crap from the past 12 years of my life has been interesting. so many memories... some great, some horrible. life is... strange. it feels so monotonous, and pointless sometimes.
i feel lonely, inside myself. w/ myself. i think my lonliness is a big problem. just thinking about it, all these emotions swell up inside of me... *sigh*. i know ive got God. but i think the fact that He's always there is really easy to take for granted... you know? plus, i cant see Him, or hear Him, and i cant cry on His shoulder, and He cant hold me in His arms forever and tell me its all gunna be ok, and it makes it so hard. i feel so lonely!
last night i was feeling much like this, and so i cut my hair. dont ask me where the logic is there, i have no idea. dont worry - nothing drastic. just my little every/other monthly bang cut, frame-the-face-layers, trim thing i always do cuz im too lazy to go to a salon. but not lazy enuf to let it just grow all to one length. i love my layers... swoosh. i should get mooooore. speaking of hair, i called alex yesterday (hahaha that doesnt make any sense... lol) to talk to deanne about possibly being on the hair crew at the leones play, how FUN would that be?!?! cuz i guess she approached my momma about it sunday. cept she wasnt home, so i got some info from alex. thatd be fuuuuuun.
breath in, breath out. monotonous. but i must. cant let satan bring me down... im going to blast silverline now, for it is encouraging.
and time and time again, i feel like i have no one. i look at You, You smile on me. and times like this before, i feel like i am helpless. i look at You, You smile on me, and i see Your beauty. in the dark of night it seems that lonely is my only friend, faithfully You stand beside me, but night feels like it never ends. and now i lift my eyes and see that You are here. my God is with me now, why should i fear? and i will walk thru fire and not be burned. when the world has left me by myself, i wont be alooooone!
sorry guys for dropping off the face of the internet world. my laptop has a big old virus and im not allowed on our main computer! so itll be a bit afore im back... but someday.
updaaaate. we checked out a rental home and i think its the place. it really feels right. and its in maplewood, so id be closer to stuff! definately a plus. it even has ugly green carpet in the living room! and a tree house! and it was all my fault... mwahaha. oh, sorry christine, for not moving to lino lakes. but is maplewood closer to you then cottage grove?
i got a love letter from natalie today, which lifted my spirits. i love that woman more than my comparitively small vocabulary can describe. and she left me all week for california! *sigh* and satyas leaving me for forever for india... and todds not coming to church for forever... guys... this is not allowed! come back to me sooooooon.
floosh. i think i actually feel worse emotionally since the last post. =/ i feel ranty when i talk about this stuff though, even briefly. "thousand 'pollogies." maybe moving will help, get my mind off stuff. some new changes would be helpful, i think. we'll see.
well, im off to shower and then watch the oc w/ satya... haha. so, you should SO comment. ill be back sooomeday...
im doing that thing. that thing where you stare at your test when you dont know what to do and you hope by staring the test will just kinda answer its self somehow. you know it wont work, but you do it anyway.
well, im back from sonshine, if you didnt get that one figured out yet. it was cool. cept not, it was SO HOT! we got up pretty far in front for a handful of different concerts and man, we were sweating. i remember the gross, sticky feeling... and hearing about the 300+ people hospitilized due to heat exaughstion... but even still, it was super fun. it was nice to get away and hear some pretty music, and be w/ people i love. and we all stayed hydrated, and pretty much together, so that was good. and i got a weird modest t-shirt tan... haha. and i got lots of pics, so im excited to get them developed. mmm yeah. thats not even the trip in a nutshell, but im just at this weird loss for words... where theres so many words at the tip of my mind, that my mind gets blocked and i dunno what to say.
moving on (literally), we sold our house! im happy about that. i wanna get OUT! and we're gunna. cept right now we're actually homeless! we've gotta be out in less than 3 weeks, and we have nowhere to go! all we know is we wanna move close to church, which means maplewood or saint paul. and we know we're renting a house. so yeah... thisll b an adventure. i havent moved since i was like, 6. but its a good thing.
ive done 4 drivers ed classes so far. 6 to go, then hello driving! cept 6 more is *thinks* 18 hours! uhg.
ok. so... i guess ill be honest. unspecifically, ive really been feeling tempted, tormented, teasted... and just drug down, alot, by the devil. its so hard. i cant stand it. it makes life miserable. i really just dont even wanna wake up every morning. and i hate it, because i know thats what he wants to do to me... and its starting to work again (... still?). thankfully ive got Jesus on my side, and i know Hes the one person that i dont have to feel vulnerable loving, and Hes showing me these places where satan hits me, and what it does to me. they say the first step to overcoming a problem is realizing you have one, right? i guess my problem is that im still stuck on step 1.
hey hey! so, some ice cold water soaking, and elevatian during sleep has done my foot well, and i can now walk properly (for the most part). this much is good.
i am at satyas as of current, and we are about to flee to church, and right after that we're staying at maxwells for the night, and then bright an early (like 6) we're leaving for SONSHINE!!! its super cool. then we'll be there till way late saturday night, and then YAY FOR CHURCH AGAIN sunday morning. yes, i am exticed, to say the least. itll be a cool weekend. and i got a disney princess disposable camera, i am sooo cool.
so im off! i will miss you dears who were not able to go, and i loooooooove you! and comment, or ill slap your face off! (all the way from wilmar!) =P
oh dear. i am just a disaster or something. i was already in pain in various areas, and in a saddish mood, but guess what just happened? i definately just sprained my foot! or at least the big toe part of it. the like, jointish area under my toe is like a ball or something, its so swollen! it is absolutely disgusting.
a list of things i DONT do 1 - needles 2 - surgery 3 - ticks 4 - swelling
they are gross. *shudder*. and you wanna know how i hurt my foot? get this. WALKING. i slipped, fell on my foot, and bent it backwards. oh yes, you wish you were as cool as me. *rolls eyes*. well, i guess now i have another negative aspect that will add to the difficulty of enjoying this weekend at sonshine. just what i wanted.
im being negative and sarcastic... sorry... sorry. im afraid im just not feeling good at all... ive just been feeling horrible emotionally lately. im just gunna go to bed, before i mess something else up. i guess ill end on the one positive note that i can think of.
despite my ball shaped foot and my unhappiness, Jesus still loves me! and you too, even though you prolly dont have a foot shaped like a ball like me. i bet your pretty jealous. oh yeah.
FINALLY! so! drivers ed today was kinda dulling, and tough cuz it was my first day, but it was an overall good experience. i definately ran into satyas cousin ryan and he remembered me, after like, 3 years! and he even gave me his pop! i also ran into hollie and leisha! i was just meeting tons of people on accident today! so yeah, and the teacher was cool. hes very animated, which i like in teachers, it makes learning more interesting... dontcha know. so WHOO HOO for being able to drive after... 27 more hours of class time! uhg.
i so understand the whole "annas wrong about me" thing now jon, and your a fool. i think shes right, so in your FACE! and if we were all in a contest about the subject, you BOTH would WASTE me! soooo there.
i feel like i havent talked to anyone in forever about anything of meaning! and you know whos fault that is? yep. my very own. bad manda. but i am proud of myself for doing something i usually cant stand! i allowed myself to be photographed (no makeup, mind you)... and i even photographed myself a couple times! amazing, eh? and i will SO post an amusing pic of myself up on my user info.
HOLY CRAP! my stupid laptop has a stupiding flipping humongus virus on it! so i cant use it right now till my pop and me fix it... *sigh*. so that means no aim!
i saw this quote on a paper towel today (how odd) and i liked it: i cant change the direction of the wind, but i can change the direction of my sails...
so tonight was the first of three fundraisers for the mission trip to south dakota im going to thru church this summer, and it went well. i was the "chip woman". oh yes. not super exciting, but i got to be at church *happy sigh*, and be w/ friends... so it was good. theres definately a handful of peoples going on this trip that i dont know, so im excited to get to know them in the next couple months. whoo hoo.
habits suck. when you get used to doing/feeling something for a few months... once you make up your mind that your done w/ that... its kinda tough, cuz its become habitual. like, i dunno, ... liking someone, for instance. heh. its quite frusterating. *sigh*
just something floating around my mind. another thing floating around my mind is THE OC! i feel so typical and kinda scary for actually being interested in that show... but i dunno... it was interesting! ok?!?! gosh. and i wanna see what happens. but no1 rents it out... how disgruntling.
so this has been a decently eventful few recent, i spent all weekend at pilars and britnees, doing yarn braids, singing, getting like... no sleep, riding sheza, seeing little lotte, splashing in the fountain in the city by brits, watching mike set off lousy fireworks, watching a few o.c. episodes (its actually ok!), then finally seeing the long lost mexico people on wednesday, and going to valley fair w/ church people today! yeah... thats the main stuff.
BUT UHG! GASP AND BOTHERATION! CURSES! this has been such a tough past week, emotionally. i dont even wanna go into specifics. as enjoyable as the things were that i did, it was still SO hard to enjoy them... im just a wreck emotionally, im afraid. =/ so sorry to anyone i hung out w/ this week, and sorry if i seemed off, or distant, or upset or something... i still love you all. im just, dumb... or something. *shakes head*
i had my new favorite food (if it counts as a food, that is) just a bit ago, it was a FRESCO SMOOTHIE! i love those. it was some cranberry one this time. yum! so now my tum isnt as mad at me for what i did to it today at valley fair... and so i think im gunna go sleep now, to catch up a bit.
parophobia is the fear of perversion... so i made the sn to spite my perverted friends =P
my birthday
april 15th, 1989
my fave colors
ill give u 3 guesses =P
some fave pastimes
being at church, being w/ friends, singing, learning guitar, phone, IM, email...
my email address
parophobic@yahoo.com
my aim and yahoo sn
parophobic
bible verses, cuz GODs word is cool like that
my soul finds rest in GOD alone; my salvation comes from HIM. HE alone is my rock and my salvation; HE is my fortress, i will never b shaken. psalms 62:1-2
love is patient, love is kind. it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. it is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. it always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. 1 corinthians 13 4-7
some song lyrics that speak 2 my soul
cause you bleed all the time, the pieces of a broken heart are wasted time, and i cant forgive myself for all the things ive done, but YOU, YOU do. bleed one more time for me, cause my heart is filled with loneliness, and this world is filled with loneliness. bleed one more time for me, cause the struggles of this world are blistering, blistering... bliss tearing eyes by dead poetic
im trying, to live life, on my own, and failing. never thought, id get this far, on my own, here i am again. im trying, im trying, to keep in side, all my fear, all my tears, i need you, i need you, find me. feelings, emotions, that i get, when im with you. hidden fears, inside my head, all broken now, here i am again. im trying, im trying, to keep in side, all my fear, all my tears, i need you, i need you, find me... im trying by finding eternity
if u has any questions, comments, suggestions, help, or anything, just email me!
